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eyeschandra

Beloved friends,
it is so unique to be able to live together with friends in closeness, physical openness, feeling part of a supportive whole, whilst given the space to flourish as an individual. A place where you are encouraged to delve deeply without getting stuck or mollycoddled.
To live with many mirrors as a gradual centering in simplicity and relaxation – the challenge and the sheer joy and relief of how that feels to let go.
Today in the Mystic Rose it was such a relief to cry deeply, and see how I simply have been fearful of feeling for so long and to feel the pain of that of avoiding abandonment, loss and ultimately love. To see all the things I’ve thrown myself in to over the last few years, whether jobs, countries, passions etc. as a search for oblivion in pleasure and intensity, which didn’t address the care of my being, and until now I didn’t know what it was to simply relax and feel.
I also realized that early I was celebrated for cheerfulness, and this became a strong ego identification, when people told me I was unique for being happy and relatively “normal” after surviving difficult circumstances. So much stigma and control on letting out grief.
Living here the cycles of being overwhelmed and being seen become slowly easier to go through.

Breathing deeply in and out and on the out-breath letting go, this has been a powerful device, thank you Shakti. I’m learning to center here, rather then just be at the mercy of emotional cycles of euphoria, collapse and withdrawal. A quiet, gentle trust is evolving, which would not happen without the group, and yet is deeply personal and impersonal at the same time.
In deep gratitude for all the intensity, mirroring, softening and support for diving inwards, in this magical journey to be truly alive, sensitive, blissful being.
Love
Chandrakala